


Blind ~ Naruto

by Buttscuzyolo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, I was going through my edgy phase please don't bully me, edgy™, wrote this a long time ago of ffn and finally transferred it over to ao3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-23 04:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20237062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttscuzyolo/pseuds/Buttscuzyolo
Summary: Learn all about the hard reality with Ayumu, the blind citizen. Learn about adapting and struggling, loss and gain, the past and the future as Ayumu does.Finally cross posting from ffn. Complete





	1. Chapter 1

I sat on the hard wooden floor clenching my fist to my ears and trying to stop the tears from flowing out. It had been hours already and my ass was sore along with my eyes. One would think that would snap me out of my breakdown, but I was only a little girl and could only handle so much.

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me!" My dad roared from the kitchen. I flinched heavily, but he wasn't talking to me. "You stupid bitch! I told you to have dinner ready!" My mom cringed and cried out in response to his tug at her long brown hair as she knelt down before him. The tears flowed faster as I listened to the sounds I had grown up with. Sounds I should never have had to hear, but was forced to witness. I should have grown up with the sound of laughter and beaming smiles. I should have been running around, unable to contain myself, but instead I'm kneeling down in emotional pain.

"I'm sorry! Please!" Her begs for mercy had no effect on the fury of my father. He continued to tug on my mother's once beautiful, but now worn and spotty, hair in an attempt to cause her pain. It worked. "It won't happen again!" This got a response from my angry father.

"You're damn right it won't! You'll learn you're lesson tonight." His rapidly calming voice did nothing to comfort me, it just showed how certain he was with his decision.

My mother's screams echoed through the house as I whispered to myself.

"Focus. Focus. Focus." I gulped heavily and a heard a loud smack. A deep breath out, and I started up again. "Focus. Focus. Focus." I learned about this from one of my dad's ninja friends, someone in his squad, I think. When you are in battle with someone you have to focus in on your enemy. He told be to breathe and chant a word that tells your body what to do. "Focus. Focus. Focus." On the floor. The dark lines that swirl through the, lighter than usual, brown colored wood. "Focus. Focus. Focus." On the smooth texture of my clammy hands against my tear tracked face. "Focus. Focus." I looked up at the white wall I had been against.

"Focus."

\---

I winced as my father's fork stabbed into the rice my mother made unhappily. It was bad enough hearing the fights, don't make me see them. My dad didn't seem to mind one way or the other, though, as he voiced his thoughts loudly.

"Unbelievable. I wait all this time and you give me dry rice." My eyes welled with tears again. With her eyes aimed at the table and a shaky voice my mom struggled to answer.

"I'm sorry." Was all her defeated voice was able to whisper out. My father's disappointed stance changed into a hostile one, but I couldn't watch this any more. I was only eight, but I knew better to use ninja training to beat on your wife.

"Stop." My young, soft spoken voice struggled to tell my angry father. He paused, before turning towards me with surprised and disapproving eyes.

"What did you just tell me?" He finally got out after a long pause. My mom looked at me warningly, hoping I would stop and give up. But I couldn't, not when I had finally found my voice.

"Stop." My tone changed to one with power and force behind it, but a righteous force, unlike my father's usually heavy voice. My dad chuckled a dark chuckle, making me realize my mistake. I should've heeded my mom's warning. This was a mistake. Keeping my mouth shut would have kept me safe, at least. I went to run, but my dad was faster.

My head slammed onto the table as he forced it down with his heavy, trained fist. I let out a cry of pain, of helplessness. That was when I realized my dad was willing to hurt me, he just hadn't had a reason before.

"How funny, the whore breed an undisciplined brat." I whimpered as his hand forced my further down as emphasis on 'brat'. He leaned in real close and gave me an ominous smile. After a pause we whispered out, "We'll just have to fix that." My tears ran thick.

\-----

The next day my friends saw the bruises and kept their heads down. Their mothers and fathers saw my mom's matching ones and avoided us. My teachers didn't ask questions as my dad dropped me out of ninja school in the middle of class.

"She just doesn't connect with it." He poked me in the back with a sharp finger. "Right." I nodded quickly as my eyes filled with tears. My teacher looked at me worried, but ultimately decided I was just sad I had to leave my friends, not even bothering to glance at the large purple bruise on my forehead.

"Well." He gave me an easy smile, destroying my hopes that he would protect me. "We'll miss her, won't we class?"

"Yes." They mumbled back, not really caring. A boy with orange goggles glanced around worried. My hope returned, just a little bit. Would the class loudmouth point out what I desperately wanted to, but couldn't really risk in the long run? He opened his mouth a little, just to deflate and look down, ashamed. I was sad, but understood why. No one would listen to him, they would shoot down his words and make it seem like it could never happen. At least he wanted to. I made eye contact with him and gave him a small nod, his eyes widened as he did the same.

At least someone cared. And an Uchiha, believe it or not.

\-----

Pain ebbed from where my father's heavy shoes landed. I gasped as I tried to regain my lost breath and ease away from the pain. Focus. Two years had passed and my coping methods were still the same.

"That's what you get." He went to walk away when I coughed out and tried to gain back my normal breathing pattern. He looked back at my limp body, paranoid. "What did you say?" My eyes widened and I shook my head repeatedly.

"Nothing." I coughed. "I swear." I managed to get out through the pain that began setting into my stomach. My dad walked back up to me with disgust.

"You liar. What did you say!" He kicked me again, stealing away my breath and making it harder to deny that I had said anything, harder to tell the truth.

"Nothing!" I shouted in between gasp. It was getting worse, harder, less time passed in between blows.

"Liar!" He screamed out, unaware of how paranoid he was being. My dad didn't care what I said any more. Now I was being punished for possibly saying something. When the blows reached my face my screams turned louder and more desperate. My father didn't like to hit my face. He was going to kill me, I had thought. I squirmed around until his left foot found its way into my eyes and stayed there. Over and over, keeping me still in shock until he was panting and finished for now. "Bitch." His heavy footsteps marched away, leaving my bloody and bruised on the floor.

Finally, once my dad had been gone for more than a few minutes, my mom darted forward and took my head in her hands. She ran her hands along my face, taking n my bruises and trying to bring some relief to my hot face with her cold fingers.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." Her broken voice brought tears to my eyes and I went to open them so I could reassure her that this wasn't her fault, even if I wasn't so sure any more.

I opened my eyes, but the room stayed dark. My hands reached up to my eyes, they were open but I couldn't see anything. I grew frantic.

"Mom. Mom. I can't see! I can't see!" I screech out from my already sore throat. My voice cracked multiple times as I repeated the cold truth over and over. At home, one the walk over to the hospital, in the waiting room, and on the way back home.

I would never see again.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry, your mother is dead." The medical ninja said it as gently as she could, but this was not something I could say 'okay' or tell everyone 'I'm fine' about. My mother was dead. The only one I had. The only hope I really had left. My mother was dead.

"Stupid bitch." My dad muttered once the nurse left. "She shouldn't have been standing at the top of the stairs." I held my head down even as my fist clenched. You shouldn't have pushed her down, I wanted to scream out, this is your fault! But I did nothing. And I kept my head down, not that it mattered much anyway.

I couldn't see and I never would again. So there was no point in keeping my head up. No point in knowing there was looks of pity but not being able to see them. No point in resisting. No point in hope. No point in life.

My mother was dead.

\-----

"You stupid bitch!" I let out a silent cry and my chopped short hair was tugged at. My dad didn't care, though, he continued his tirade of harsh words. After yelling at me for an amount of time he deemed appropriate for my crime of tripping over a leftover box from our move to a small apartment, he finally walked away, but not without a few words that lit a fire in my heart. It had been five years since he first hit me and I had withstood a lot of physical abuse, but I would not stand for this.

"You're even dumber than your whore mom." This had my face hot and my fist clenching. I struggled to my feet and looked around wildly for something close to his face so he could see my passion, even if I couldn't see his reaction.

"My mom was a wonderful woman! Don't you talk about her you bastard!" A moment of silence passed before I heard him turn towards me with a scoff. It felt like the first time I had stood up for my mother, but this time the fire of burning passion could not be put out. This time it roared, close to burning me if I didn't speak up.

"Watch your mouth, bitch." He warned me. I must have looked like something. Bruises and torn out hair, shaggy clothes and a malnourished frame, but clenched fist, wild eyes and a sharp tongue ready to defend my mother.

"Watch yours, dick." My brain was on a disconnect. The effects of my words and actions didn't seem to matter as my mouth spit out venom. A tense silence passed, before my father ran at me and I began running.

The door was behind me, that was all I knew. So running into the door frame with a harsh smack wasn't a huge surprise. As my dad reached me, I grabbed onto the the handle for dear life. I just needed to get outside. I just needed to get into the view of others. To rip off the mask my father held onto my face. To show everyone my face full of bruises and tell them the harsh stories behind each and every one of them.

"Ungrateful bitch!" He yelled as I held tightly on to the doorknob, slowly turning it. "I'll teach you!" I ripped open the door and fell out into the hall, before crawling out to the attention of the people who were walking past. My dad followed me out, too angry to care who might see.

"Help!" I screamed out as he grabbed my foot and drug me closer to his hard fist. I went to scream again, but a sharp kick had the air knocked out of me.

"You little bitch! You need to learn your lesson, huh?!" I scrambled wildly, trying to get out of his grasp, before finding my chance as he released my foot so he could use his hands to lay down the pain. The pain I was so used to, it hardly phased me as I crawled away towards the sound of footsteps.

"What's going on?" I heard a whisper, before a startled, "Oh my god!" As they saw what was going on. The sound of footsteps running toward me lit a new fire. One that was hot embers before, but was now red hot flames bursting to life. Hope.

"Ayumu?!" I didn't focus on the familiar voice as I continued scrambling away, and it wasn't like I could easily tell who. Why not? My broken eyes, that happen to fit right in with my broken body.

As the running figures approached me they dragged my dad off of me and pulled me into the safety of their arms. At this point it didn't matter who held me, I just wanted to be held. I wanted to feel safe for the first time since my mom left. I wanted to know I would still be alive tomorrow, that my father and ninja like him wouldn't ruin the world. I knew, logically, that nothing was for certain, but the hug surrounding me compelled me to feel otherwise.

I couldn't tell what was going on, but soon I was telling the Uchiha police everything. The story of my mother, and the successor to her pain. The familiar voice, who I still couldn't place, stayed with me as I told my story. Every once and awhile he would put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I could tell he was young, my age I would guess, and he had a big heart. Other than that, I was completely in the dark, as usual.

At that point it really didn't matter who, 'cause I knew I would stay with him and he would stay with me.

This boy was good, and that was something I needed to cling to.

\-----

The boy told me his name later, after realizing I didn't know who he was. Obito Uchiha, the boy who had almost stood up for me those years ago. The boy who gave me a flicker of hope and left his mark of kindness on me forever.

Obito Uchiha. A good name, a good boy, a good soul.


	3. Chapter 3

I was placed on the streets. The men who said they would help me, said they would save me, had decided I was too old for saving. They had shown me that all ninja were like my father, just in their own way. Maybe they didn't hit their wife and kids, maybe they didn't wear down their souls and they tried to find a reason for living, maybe they drank too much and got a little frisky, maybe they didn't understand the word 'no', maybe they did a lot of things. Maybe.

I didn't really care, any more. I used to, I used to try and understand why? Why did my father not like me? Why did my father hit me? Why did my father hit my mother? My mother, who I had heard from now dead grandparents used to be the most wonderful woman. She used to laugh. She used to smile. She used to care and stand up for herself. Then again, so did I. Before I grew up at the ripe age of five and realized mommy didn't like daddy all that much. Before I realized ninja didn't protect their village, or their so called 'precious people'. They protected themselves. From enemies, yes, and emotions. Such finicky things, emotions. They make you feel great then they tear you down block by block. They raise you up then they destroy you. I guess ninja were just scared people, who realized they didn't have to be. They could harness the power to destroy. They didn't have to be victims any more. They could be the emotions, the bullies. They could raise you up only to tear you down. And that makes them very strong.

I had a lot of time to myself, now that I didn't live my life for another. Now I had the time to realize, to ponder, to become smarter and wiser than most would ever be. In my mad dash to finally rip off the mask of doubt my father had held to my face, I also ripped off the mask of blissful ignorance. I ripped off my protection from the world, from the emotions. I now had the power to see. A different kind of seeing, one I traded my, arguably most important, sense of vision for. I could see the ladder of power. I could see the hierarchy of social leadership. I could see right and wrong. I had eaten the forbidden fruit and stepped out of the line, and now I could see how sitty everything truly was. Part of me embraced this new power I had, this new wisdom. I could now see what was real and what was ow. But a part of me rejected this pain. I could see the horrors of the world. I could see the pain of my past and the pleasure it gave everyone who never stepped up. My father gained power. My teacher lost a stressful responsibility. My friends avoided a stressful and complicated friendship. The only one who suffered was Obito, the only one who deserved that pleasure.

Obito Uchiha was a good boy, and soon to be good man. He visited me in my alleyway, the one I frequented the most, anyway. Obito brought me food and clothing. He brought me joy and sanity. He allowed my new vision to gaze upon something good instead of the pain it overflowed in far too often. Obito Uchiha was the only good I could find.

Obito Uchiha is the only good in this world.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Obito wasn't rich. He lived in a shabby apartment, one that he readily offered to me but I turned down in an attempt to save him from taking off his mask. Obito was too hopeful to remove his mask, he still thought there was good in this world. He even thought there was good in the village of ninja, where we live. I couldn't rip his hope from him, I couldn't take off his mask, I couldn't break his soul. I had suffered for so long my mask had slipped off, his stayed securely over his eyes, ears, and mouth. Mine had a small tug and readily fell. His would struggle, it would crave to stay and end up taking his soul with it. I would not let the only good die. That was my job now. That was the only thing I was holding onto now.

And I would be damned if I let go.

In time Obito became a ninja, but he was different. One of a kind. He strived to protect others, instead of himself. He didn't need to protect himself from his soul, anyway. Obito's soul was clean. It was pure. Other ninja's souls were dirty, they were evil. I pitied Obito when he told me of his team. He described them in full detail, telling me he would help me see in his own innocent way. I liked when he talked. It filled the silence in my heart with words of his. It quieted the thoughts that swirled around in my mind and gave each of them their own silver lining. When he spoke, I didn't really care how terrible the world was, because I had done it. I had found the ray of light, of hope, of all things good. Right smack in the middle of the worst, dirtiest, foulest things I could imagine. When he spoke it gave me hope that one day he would become the Hokage and he would spread his words, his truths, his hope to this dead village.

He would be a great Hokage.


	4. Chapter 4

Darkness was all around me. The smell of blood was pungent, overpowering. To others though, it would smell the same. The light would be there to greet them as it always did. Part of me wondered if it would, or had ever greeted me. I took another step forward toward the training grounds of The Hidden Leaf Village.

The horrors of a Hidden Village were as numerous as the stars in the sky, and I could see them all. I have been told there are few, but I knew the truth. If anyone took the time to dig, to look past the fake smiles, the distracting laughter, the seemingly innocent ninja and civilians they would find tears. Tears and blood. Caked and dried to a point were nothing could remove it. Nothing could remove it from the pale skin that hid behind mast. Mask of ANBU, mask of innocence. Nothing could remove it from the lips of a daughter, who had just wandered too close to the fire, not to her own fault. Nothing could remove it from the children trained to think like a monster and a beast, a merciless machine from day one, but obviously not ready for it.

It. The battle, the war, the evil of 'bad guys'. They were all naïve, but then again, everyone was. There is no such thing as a 'good guy', or a 'bad guy'. No, there were only people who fought the hardest. Who fought for their survival and realized they couldn't trust anyone. Who ripped off their mask of naive innocence and saw the world for what it truly was. And fools. Bumbling, naïve fools who thought they could hope enough. That their comrades would protect them.

No one is here to help you, not without something in return, I learned that a long time ago.

My name is what many ask for. Something to call me, something to label me as. I used to love my name. Before I became a ghost that wandered the streets, looking for something. Something to eat. Something to drink. Something to hold me. Something to hug me back. Something to care.

Even my days of wishing for companionship are over. I realized how cruel it was, to wish for someone to experience my pain so they could tell me that yes, it did suck. I didn't need the companionship anymore. Because I know that yes, it does suck, and I learned that all on my own.

I bet you still wonder about me. Why doesn't the sun greet you, why do you smell blood while others don't? I'm blind. Not only was the shit kicked out of me, but my eyes were as well.

Who does such terrible things to a child? You ask, but you know. Everyone willing to live in a world of ninja and hidden evil and to have the courage to attempt to rise to the top. Every ninja could, almost every civilian could, and even few children could.

The blood? A training field, as I mentioned before, was my destination. If this doesn't calm your racing mind that was once filled with questions, then you must be a 'good guy'. A naïve fool who thought training fields were for dancing around and playing ninja. They aren't. They are for training on how to kill, blood must have been drawn during every one of the matches had on this field. They are for teaching on removing another from this terrible world.

If you are extremely clever, you would have realized you still had a question. Why do you smell the blood that passes over other's heads? As I said before, I am blind. My sense of smell and hearing intensified after my loss, to keep me alive in a cruel world I didn't really want to live in.

Where am I now? Not just my location, my status. I am a citizen, one who used to try to be a ninja but was taken out of murder train from the murderer who raised me. The precious civilian ninja worked so honorably to protect. So honorably attempted to save and care for.

Honorably, sure.

Now you wonder, why? Why are you going to a training field oh weak and blind citizen? You are too weak to run around in a world of pain. You are too weak to do anything.

For my brother. No, not my real brother. I never had a brother, although I almost did. My father had ruined the growing boy long before he could even take a breath of blood tainted air.

Oh, you realize. It was your father. He blinded you. He made you think this world was so cruel.

Yes, he did blind me. But no, he made me realize it was so terrible. He is gone now.

The brother I am journeying to isn't even legally related to me. He was a chosen brother, the only kind that really matters. Someone I know is the only good left in the world. Can you believe he is an Uchiha?

A clan of assholes and douchebags is the home to the last good I know of, that I really think exist. None the less, I go to him.

The smell of blood is stronger now, it would have made me thrown up when I was younger, but now I can handle it.

They must have been training.

As I approach I can hear voices and bodies and know he is here.

"Uchiha-San. I request your presence." My voice is slow and I draw out my words in an uncaring, cold voice. I can hear heads turn towards me.

"Oh! Ayumu, didn't know you'd be here. What's up?" Ayumu, that's my name. Meaning 'dream' or 'vision'. Ironic considering that's all I can do now.

"Obito-Kun, who is your friend?" A kind voice ask, but I know better. That kind voice is attached to a ninja and ninja aren't kind, not like Obito.

"Ah? Oh, that's Ayumu. She works at that Bakery." The bakery. The only thing I can do well enough to make money from and I don't even get to bake. I follow orders, something I'm very good at.

"She is wasting our time, Minato-Sensei." I turned my head slowly towards the boy who had just spoke. He smells like dogs, and Obito's blood. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Uchiha-San. Why is your blood on him." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I knew why, they had just sparred. Just trained to kill the innocence and loved ones of so many. Just trained to spill blood, to paint the ground in a substance so red.

"We just sparred, don't worry about it. Whatcha' need?" Obito obviously didn't think I knew about their training. The fact that he got the shit beat out of him every time he sparred. I obviously never corrected him, he didn't need to feel inadequate around me. The world does that to him just enough. I reached out a hand, with a piece of paper rested inside.

"I need these." I owner of the Bakery had sent me out to get supplies with a list, that I couldn't read. He didn't really care, assuming I could figure it out some way or another.

"Oh!" Obito grabbed the list helpfully, as always.

"Alright, he needs dough, 10 pounds of it. Some flour, 3 of them. A new rolling pin, make sure it's extra-large. And…um." I looked at him, well my head turned in his direction, upon hearing his stopping.

"Yes, Uchiha-San." I drawled out.

"Idiot." I heard the boy who smelled of dogs grab the paper. "It says get a medium sized board for the new advertisement." I nodded slowly. I could get those from a corner store, easily half prized if I bat my nonexistent eyes a bit.

I held out my hand and the boy put it back in my hand. I turned to leave, to leave the overpowering smell of blood that clouded my judgement and made it had to control my mouth.

"Was that all? Idiot's friend is a bigger idiot. Can't even read." I stopped and felt pity.

"Ayumu. He didn't mean it, he didn't know, j-just keep walking." Obito tried reasoning with me, being a kind boy even to those who hated him. I chuckled, a dark sound that would have made my younger self shiver. I turned around and walked up to the boy who hadn't moved, he had no reason to fear me after all.

I was face to face with the boy. My hair was short. Shorter than most, short like a boys, but my bangs covered my eyes as courtesy to those who had the misfortune to gaze upon my face.

My hand reached up slowly and I could feel glee at the thought of possibly removing mask, something I normally hated the thought of but now was all I wanted to do.

"Ayumu, come on. He didn't know." Obito, a good soul, even to those who kicked him down over and over again.

My hand pushed up my bangs and I opened my eyes. The sun still didn't greet me.

I heard gasp, female. A gulp, Obito. A sigh, the man, Minato. And silence, the boy, but his breathing had quickened.

"Sorry, it got harder to read after my eyes were gouged out, but don't worry. I'll get right on learning to make your life easier, douche bag." My voice still slow, but sarcastic with a hint of sadistic joy. My hand released my bangs.

No one stopped me as I turned. No one stopped me as I walked away.

This world, this pain filled world. In this world I had just helped them. They got to see the horrors that awaited them even faster, before they battled to hide from them.

I wonder, which alley will I inhabit tonight?

I wonder, who will I pickpocket tonight?

I wonder, when will I die?

I wonder, to who will I die?

I wonder, will they make it fast?

I wonder, will they feel pity?

I wonder, who will miss me?

I wonder, will anyone?


	5. Chapter 5

The dinging bell rung in my ears. I hated the bell. It was loud for normal people, it was unbearable for me. My scowl deepened. I allowed the door to swing closed behind me, with another ring of the infuriating bell.

"Ayumu-kun? Is that you?" Manu-san. The owner of the bakery. The only one desperate enough to hire a blind girl as an errand runner. Although, if I looked into the darker side of The Hidden leaf Village, the side where the desperate go in and the damaged come out, I'm sure there are plenty of people willing to hire a young girl.

"Yes." I answered shortly, but respectfully. I need this job. It was the only thing keeping me feed.

"Wonderful! Just set the stuff down, I'll get your money." We have an agreement. $2 for every item I delivered to him, or from him. It wasn't nearly enough to survive, but who am I to speak up. I do what I'm told and get paid for it, that's the way the world works. I nod, knowing he can't see me. Or maybe he can. I nod for myself, mostly. I hear footsteps. Heavy, but sure, Manu-san. "Here you go, $8 for today."

I stick my hand out, waiting for him to place the money in my hand. I hate needing him to do this for me. I hate those long seconds where I can only guess what's happening. I hate being able to reach out and grab it, but understanding that this way is easier for everyone involved.

He places the money in my hand and I shove it into my pocket, trusting, no, hoping he gave me the right amount. I didn't trust him. He would stab me if it meant an easier life. He would destroy me if it meant he could have his stillborn son back.

"Anything else, sir?" I slowly ask. He does nothing for a moment, I tilt my head. He shook his head, didn't he? I guess I should be flattered he forgets I'm blind. That the darkness greets my where colors and the sun greets others. That the rest of my senses are forced to improve because of the mistake.

"Oh sorry! No, enjoy the rest of your day." I turn to leave, not forgiving him or blaming him.

The bell rings. I clench my jaw and take a deep breath in my attempt to ignore the pain in my ears. "Focus. Focus. Focus." I exhaled. The smell of the afternoon fills my nose. Of dust, kicked up as children play, of sweat, made as people work to provide for those in their homes, and of blood, from those who fight so honorably to protect their homeland.

Enjoy the rest of my day? I turn and begin walking.

I hear whispers as I pass, occasionally bumping into people. People love to gossip. Learn about a life or situation worse than theirs. Mumbles of 'blind' and 'homeless' reach my ears. I feel the urge to mumble 'lonely' and 'cheated' and 'whore', but then I would be just as bad as them, right? I would sink down to their level.

That's what I call bullshit. There are no levels. We're all on equal terrain. Some of us like to like to think we're higher up, or better than others. The harsh reality is that we aren't. We are as bad as the rogue ninja and as good as the Kage. We are as bad as the whores and as good as the Sensei.

I bump into someone. They turn towards me, they are getting ready to yell at me. They stop short, mumble about an apology and continue on. I would guess they were blushing. No one wants to yell at the poor blind girl. Then they're assholes. Then they're douchebags. They were always assholes and douchebags. They had wanted to yell at a kid for bumping into them, that's shitty anyway you look at it. Just because they didn't follow through didn't make the fact that they wanted to any better.

The smell of blood fills my nose, I continue forward. Maybe Obito is done training. If not I will wait. I would wait any amount of time for the only good I would ever find. I hear metal clashing, and realize they are not done. I am 25 feet away from them, I would guess.

I sit. There is grass under me. Dying. I can feel the rubber texture of dying grass. It would seem blood is not good for grass. Soon, they will replace the grass. Keep it a startling green. Keep it distracting you from the blood that soaks its roots.

The man, Minato, is talking. Are they finishing up? Will Obito be free to stay with me? Would he even want to?

"Ayumu?" I look towards the voice. Obito.

"That would be me." I drawl out. I stand slowly and walk towards Obito. People are looking at me, I can feel the wait and judgement that rest in their gazes.

"Hello! I'm Rin." I glance to my left. The female, Rin. Obito has a crush on her. A naive crush that fuels him as well as slowly drains his spirit.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ayumu." My voice is lazy. Hinting at the fact that I couldn't care less, but being respectful for Obito's sake.

"That's Kakashi. We don't like him." Obito whispers, loudly, to me. I flash a smirk and nod.

"Hello! I'm Minato. A pleasure to meet you."

"And you." I don't bother turning towards him. I wanted what I had come here for. "Uchiha-san, are you free?" He grunts, wondering before deciding.

"Yeah! Let's go!" I feel him grab my upper arm and lead me away from the training ground. Obito, my very own seeing eyes. The boy that would lead me into the light and shield me from the dark anytime.

"Wow, the idiot actually has friends?" Kakashi muttered loud enough for us to hear him. Obito was right, we don't like him. I could feel Obito's grip loosen in response. I would not stand for that. I would not let my light dim. I throw the arm Obito was holding around Obito's neck, a friendly gesture. Obito does the same with renewed energy. Kakashi goes silent.

Yes, Kakashi. Obito does actually have friends. Or, at least one. One that would do anything for him.

No matter the cost.


	6. Chapter 6

All I could think of was why. But I know why, ninja and their kill or be killed ways of life. Where they don't care enough to think of the faces that should haunt their nights. Where they don't realize the consequences of their actions. All I could hear was the loud beating of my own heart. Racing out of control in its dash for its only source of love and caring. All I could taste was bitter truth. It's all I have tasted for the better part of my life. Today, thought, it overpowered me. It made me cringe and wish for anything to take over. All I could smell was defeat. Utter, crushing defeat. The kind of defeat that haunted you for days, months, years and you thought about when you were all alone. All I could feel was unrelenting pain that just would not leave me alone. Sadness that came in like a great ride and washed over me, leaving me gasping for breath. And when I finally found solid ground, it would come back only to pull itself into a bigger wave. All I could see was nothing, but this time it was a hopeless nothing, but a promise that this nothing would greet me everyday for the rest of my life and there was nothing I could do about it.

Obito is dead.

Nothing else matters, nothing else ever will. Not Kakashi standing a few feet away with a sad, defeated tone and the smell of salty tears. Not Rin crying loudly and trying to stifle her sniffles as Kakashi broke the news. Not Minato's deep breathes as he tries to control himself and remain the responsible adult.

Obito is dead.

I don't have the ability to cry, the honor. It is honorable to cry, no matter what anyone may tell you. To declare to everyone watching that this is how you feel. This is the overwhelming emotions flowing out of you. This is the literal representation of everything you am feeling and they will see it. They will see the pain in physical form. They cannot pretend it isn't there, because it is and they can see it. They cannot deny its presence. I cannot cry.

But my breathing quickens to the point of fear for my health, my body goes limp as it tries to feel anything, and my expression goes weak and becomes the meaning of depressed, of sadness. I struggle to hear anything, to use my still working senses as those few words repeat in my mind.

Obito is dead.

I turned and left as soon as I could feel my legs. I would not be apart of their pity for themselves, their supposed mercy, their story of Obito's bravery. I knew he was brave, why did it take him dying for them to realize what a gift he was?

So I leave. My body ends up taking me everywhere Obito once did on its own, while bumping into everyone and everything. No one says anything, the whispers are gone today, or maybe I just couldn't hear them.

The creek, where he tried to prove he could walk on water, but fell in attempt after attempt. Where I told him I didn't need a fancy trick to know how amazing he was. He kept trying, though, and when he finally succeeded he practically danced in pure joy.

The trading field, still soaked in the blood of those we should hold tight and never let go of. Where we should shake in fear of what we teach the children of this village. Where I would wait hours for just a few minutes of his precious time. For just a few minutes to feel a sliver of now crushed hope.

The stores I would get the bakeries supplies as Obito lead me around. He didn't need to, but he loved the feeling of being needed. He would never know how much he was really needed, how much everyone really loved him, whether they would admit it or not.

The markets where Obito taught me how much I love dango and mochi, mostly because he had introduced it to me. I would never be able to eat dango or mochi again without tasting the bitter memories of happier times. He even introduced me to a friend of his. I don't like meeting new people, but Obito did. He loved to show me everyone he knew, everyone that didn't know how precious Obito was.

Was.

The last place I went was his shabby apartment, one that could have easily been fixed up, but was kept dirty by the greed of his landlord. I collapsed on the hard, dirty, ground and my shaky breath grew loud. I wanted to cry, to show Obito how much I cared, but I couldn't. I can't.

I can't do this, not without Obito. I won't do it. This life, this land is too cruel for me without Obito here fighting it with me. It's false smiles and hopes are more cruel than its true smirks and blood splatters. It had blown out it's last bright flame and now the land would live forever in darkness.

I can't do it.

Hours pass and it's a chant in my mind. The words 'Focus' had never meant less.

I can't do it.

I can do something about it. I don't have to do it. I don't have to live in darkness.

I can't do it.

I can join Obito. I can join the one true light in a brighter place.

I can't do it.

I can see Obito again. The thought brings me more joy than I have had in a long time. More joy than I would ever feel again.

I can't do it.

I get up and get ready to see Obito again. To dance with the flame and feel the loving heat.

Don't do that.

The voice in my head is not my own. It is Obito's or something close. SOmething that he would say. It's my new conscious. It stops my preparation.

Live for me.

It says with emotion, the dreaded emotion.

Do you think I want to see you so soon?

Obito doesn't want to see me? The thought is irrational, I'm talking to myself. None of this makes any sense, but I listen closely despite my logical reasoning.

Not if it means your death.

That stops me completely.

I'm thinking rationally again. Why would Obito want my death? How could I honor him with the one thing he hates the most. The one thing that made him burn brighter. That made him fight harder.

Death.

I will continue to live. I'll continue to trudge through my life. Miserable, anxiety ridden, hitting every obstacle in my path. I will hate every second of my existence and wish it was over far sooner than it would be and wait for the moment it would be. Wait to rejoice at the end of it all.

For Obito.

I will see the bright side in everything, even if I don't believe in it. The silver lining will shine through the dark cloud of depression, even though I won't feel it. The false innocence will speak to me, even though I'll hate listening. The pain of emotions with flow through me, even though I'll know how to stop it I will not.

I can do it.

I can see the sunrise every morning and do the same. I can hear the birds sing out and do the same while my soul rips itself into two. I can see the trees dance in the wind and do the same while my gut fills with outrageously strong pain. I can cry inside but wear a mask of 'I'm fine' outside. I can put my broken mask back on, although I will still see the truth. I can because if Obito could do it, so can I.

I can do anything for Obito.


	7. Chapter 7

The knock at my door was annoying, but expected. My door, my very own door. To many it seemed ridiculous to marvel at something so simple, but to those who know my story, to me, it was something to awe at. A door. Something that claimed to everyone outside they needed my permission to enter my land. My own land. Somewhere I could go to feel pain and joy. Somewhere I would not need to hide what I felt. Somewhere Obito would have loved.

The door knocked loudly again, reminding me of how excitable and impatient genin ninja are. Ninja, so young. Even in a time of peace. The thought of it made my stomach turn. The thought of me using them made me hate every fiber of my being. The fact that I needed them made no difference to the emotions. The emotions I had allowed to flood my body so long ago and had hated every second since, which only made the emotions worse.

My hand reached wildly in the direction of the door knob, as my eyes had never healed and my body was still hindered by the mark the first evil of my life had left on me, before grabbing the cold metal, which I was told was iron, but had begun to doubt, and twisted it open. Nothing greeted me but the heat of four bodies. Three genin and one sensei. I took a deep breath through my nose, which had become a much more important sense than I had been expecting, and scowled deeply when dogs and blood greeted my nose, along with perfume and sweat. The only one I really cared about was the dogs. The dogs that I couldn't seem to get rid of, the dogs that had become a living representation of Obito's influence, the dogs that had changed into a respectable sort of man over a great many years.

"Kakashi." I said with a hint of annoyance. Kakashi had become a strong ninja. Getting awards and titles for being the most deadly, for surviving when others fell. Kakashi had also picked up the mask of naive emotion, that I hadn't realized fell off all those years ago, and forced it back onto his face. He had lost more than me, and I needed him and he needed me, even if we didn't speak of it.

"Ayumu!" He cheerfully replied. I knew it was fake, but a fake fire still gives off some heat and I needed all the warmth I could get. With the cold soul resting inside my body, I sorely needed something to save me from myself.

"Ehh? Who's that Kakashi-Sensei?" A loud and obnoxious voice burst to life and had me cringing as the sound rung in my ears. This must be the Naruto Kakashi had spoken about at the tea shop a few days ago. The Naruto Kakashi had demanded I meet and I had refused. The Naruto Kakashi had told me I would meet one way or another. Kakashi must have requested this mission, to clean my house and garden and read my mail, as a way to force me into meeting his team. I didn't want to hear the voices of hope, see what would soon be crushed souls as soon as they glimpsed the real world of ninja.

"That's Ayumu, Naruto. Listen next time." That made me smirk. Kakashi obviously realized that Naruto's high pitched voice caused me a good deal of pain and was attempting to help out. Kakashi had been more helpful after losing everything. He had realized that it was easier to give his everything than take from the nothing the world gave back. The boy Naruto began grumbling, which I ignored easily. I had been whispered and grumbled about all my life, one little boy would not ruin me. He would not ruin what was so carefully held together. What the love of an old face held together.

"Clean my house. Then weed my garden. Then read my mail. Then leave." I ordered in a flat and uncaring voice. I had to do this once a month, and it was paid for by the Hokage, as he felt bad for me. He felt bad for ignoring me so long ago. I hated every second of meeting future killers and professional ones. Kakashi being here would lessen the pain of actively ignoring our deadly future.

Kakashi ordered them off as they grumbled and protested. He stayed with me as I moved to the couch with trained grace. I had been in this house for so long I could navigate it with my eyes closed, and I did. There was a feeling of comfort in the privilege of knowing place like the back of your hand, a feeling of safety.

"How's your team? And how did they make it past your test? They all fucking suck. Bunch of brats." I asked Kakashi bluntly, actually interested why after so long of denying teams he would choose these naive brats. They weren't ready for the ninja world, Kakashi knew that just as well as I did, and I seriously doubted they ever would be. Kakashi gave me a little giggle.

"Teamwork, Ayumu." I would have rolled my eyes, if I could. Instead I scoffed loudly. "And it helps that one of them is the," He leaned in close, making me scared that one of the tiny brats in my house was actually a threat to me. "nine tails." He just barely whispered out. I turned towards him quickly, and would have knocked head with him if he hadn't moved in time. My face was in shock. I knew of the nine tails, oh I was there. I lived it. I lived the gut wrenching fear and pain. Felt the mighty hunger of the large beast that could never be filled. Felt the same loss when the mightier Hokage feel to save us. After that I had realized that Obito wasn't the only ninja fighting for others, but one of the few. The fact that this boy was the nine tails terrified me, but I stopped. I had seen through my broken mask of innocence the fear the nine tails forced out of you and this boy did not inspire that.

This boy. It had to be Naruto, tails of the nine tails brat causing trouble only matched his loud voice. This boy would be one to watch, as he held something far scarier that plain ninja, but not one to fear. Kakashi watched me consider his words closely, I could feel his serious gaze, and was happy with the outcome.

"And guess who else." I tilted my head at him curiously. "The last Uchiha." I almost shot out of my seat. Kakashi could see my excitement, my hope and stopped me with a few words. "He is not like Obito." He whispered out, truly sad and heart broken. My face feel and I retreated further into my cracked mask of false hope.

"But Obito's blood will live on." I said, hoping one of the future Uchiha would be one of those few beams of light. Kakashi huffed out a happy noise, so I could tell what he was feeling. Something we had worked out with trial and error long ago, one of the things Kakashi gave me.

"It will." He said seriously, something he didn't do all that often any more, but gave to me knowing that sometimes the fake fire burned me after too long.

"Kakashi-Sensei, we finished." A slow uncaring voice said. This must be the Uchiha. The one that cursed them so, or at least one of them, but became one none the less, not that anyone would dare tell him. It seemed as if more time had passed than I had thought, as we had simply sat for a while before I had began to speak. They smelled of lemon and grass, of cleaner and weeds.

"Then read my mail." I said, border line rude. Obito would have teased at me, told me I needed to be nicer to the kids, that they needed love to grow strong. But Obito wasn't here and it was hard to keep my true feelings to myself. Harder now that the emotions flooded through me. He scoffed at me, then said something that lit a small flame of warmth.

"What, can you not read? Idiot." I smirked deeply as Kakashi giggled, earnestly for the first time since he had gotten here, at the reminder of our past.

"Don't be so rude! Idiot!" My face grew surprised as another echo of the past came forward. I turned to Kakashi as I grew warm and brighter emotions began to cycle through me, and he turned to me with a happy huff.

"Told you, teamwork." I looked down and smiled deeply, knowing that if I could I would have been in tears. Tears that would have shown joy and memories of happier times now returning, I hoped. I let out a small laugh, surprising myself and the two boys. As they turned to be I quickly smirked a dark smirk. It was time to pass the old times on.

I raised my hand and moved my hair out of my eyes, bringing forth a gasp from the girl, an unfinished 'what' from the nine tails boy, and a quickening in breath from the Uchiha. History really does repeat itself. The flame grew larger, but still had far to go if it wanted to warm me on its own, as I remembered history at its finest. My history. My broken mask felt a little lighter and my heart a little more full.

"I'm blind, dumbass." I said simply. I couldn't find it in me to go off on the Uchiha any more, but felt better after saying it. These children, these genin, these naive kids needed to see the horrors, the small horror I held, if they were ever to grow. We were in a time of peace, but other ninja didn't care very much. I now needed these to survive. I now needed them to be aware of how bad things could be. I had just gotten a glimpse of true good in the collective hearts of these three and I didn't want to let that go, not again. So I was going to do whatever I could. I was going to show them the dark side while Kakashi lead them through the light. We could not lose any more. We would not lose any more.

"Now read my mail, douchebag."


End file.
